A retired embalmer's guide
Your family will have a phone, a pen and maybe two days. This book lets you make the choices for them, calmly, while there's time.
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Why I wrote it
I'm Ruth. For thirty-nine years I worked in the back room of a family funeral home: the embalming, the hair, the hands folded just so.
Year after year I watched the same thing. A family would come in tired, not knowing what was required and what was optional. They wanted to do right by their mother, and "doing right" quietly turned into "saying yes." By the time she came to me, they'd often agreed to things she'd never have wanted, and paid for them too.
On my channel I talk about famous funerals. Those families had whole teams making choices for them. Yours won't. The kindest thing you can do is make most of those choices now, while nobody's grieving and nobody's in a hurry.
That's what this book is for. It isn't morbid. It's a gift, and it's the one families thank you for the longest.
— Ruth
Who it's for
You'd like to decide for yourself, write it down once, and know your family won't be talked into the bronze casket.
Your parents won't talk about it. Hand them chapter 1 and the phone calls in chapter 14. It's a gentle way to start the conversation.
If someone has just died, chapter 15 is written for you: what to say on the first call, what not to sign, and how to compare prices fast.
Chapter 1 · The workbook
The book starts with the part that matters most: a page in your own words that ends the argument before it starts.
From the prep room
It doesn't. It slows things down for days, long enough for a viewing. Federal law forbids any funeral provider from claiming otherwise.
Not for an ordinary death, in any state. Where a state sets a time limit, refrigeration is almost always allowed instead.
A rubber gasket shuts out air. It doesn't stop decomposition, and no provider may claim it does.
That fee has been banned since 1994. A funeral home must accept a casket or urn you bought anywhere.
Chapter 6 covers eight of these, and the rest of the book shows your family exactly what to ask.
The math
National median prices from the 2023 funeral industry price study, all in the book.
| Embalming and "other preparation" your family didn't want | $1,140 |
| A metal casket at the funeral home (some outside sellers start around $1,000) | $2,500 |
| A vault, when the cemetery would accept a cheaper liner | $1,695 |
| A basic services fee wrongly added on top of a direct cremation price | $2,495 |
| VA burial allowance and Social Security payment families never claim | up to $2,255 |
These are ceilings, not promises. Your prices will differ, and the book shows you how to find your own. But declining one embalming you didn't want covers this book many times over.
What's inside
The Last Gift
$24
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It's a PDF you download straight after paying. Print it at home or at any copy shop. The forms are made to be filled in by hand.
It's written for the United States. The federal Funeral Rule covers funeral providers in every state, and the book points out where state laws differ. Check your own state on anything that matters.
No. It's general information drawn from the FTC, the VA, Social Security and the National Funeral Directors Association, each named in the text. For a will, a trust or Medicaid planning, see an attorney.
No. Chapter 11 explains the difference between planning ahead and paying ahead, and the questions to ask before you pay anyone a cent.
You're covered by a 7-day money-back guarantee. Reply to your receipt email within 7 days of buying and you'll get a full refund.
VA and Social Security amounts change, and so do national price figures. When they do, the corrected edition is sent to you at no extra charge.
Ruth is the presenter of the Ruth Mercer YouTube channel. Every rule, price and figure in the book comes from the public sources named in it, so you can check them yourself.